This will make sense only to a small subset of gaming brethren.

You may have heard of the Myers-Briggs personality test that were all the rage last century. I distinctly recall taking it during a “bonding” exercise with my fellow RAs at FSU, though my resultant INTP type and its recommendation that I’d make a fabulous assassin limited the “bonding” part of the exercise to some extent… though it was quite a hit with the ladies.

Now there’s a similar assessment for what kind of gamer you are. From The Helping Hand to The Wingman to The Game Master, you too can categorize yourself in meaningless ways! This way you can meet up with like minded gamers and… game. They were kind of harsh to me, though.

The Gibbering F*ckwit

Deliberate Obstinate Retaliatory Klutz (DORK).

You take pride in failure. You may not play many different games, nor experiment with different genres, but you’re uniformly bad at all of them. In team games you are mostly a hindrance in achieving goals when you’re not actively harming your teammates. Few people enjoy playing with you and the ones that claim to enjoy it are lying. Your stilted social interactivity limits your appeal to other social outcasts, toddlers and the deaf. Any list of “friends” you may have accumulated in social gaming networks are filled with those who find entertainment in your abject idiocy.

You see slights against you in mundane circumstances and seek only retribution even when unwarranted. Your lack of understanding of the rules and flow of games leads to frustration for you, your opponents and your teammates. You are consistently out of position, ill-equipped, in the way, and you consume resources that could be used more efficiently by anyone. Anyone at all. Your reflexes could best be described as “glacial” and you have no fine motor control, slewing wildly around and typically facing the wrong way in every situation. You consistently confound other players and even the original game designers by finding new ways to underachieve in even the most constructive and supportive environments.

We are unable to recommend any games more challenging than, say, horseshoes, but even then you would find a way to hurt yourself or others. Just stick to Sudoku. Really simple ones.

:(

No, I don’t intend to become your new video portal. It just so happens that I keep finding glorious video content! These are the top 10 shootout goals from 2006, including Malik’s goal in the 18th round of the shootout at #1.

Cannot wait for NHL season to get here.