I’m curious about something. Why is it that I, as an American taxpayer, should be responsible for bailing out people and companies that, in essence, screwed themselves over with stupid decisions? Make no mistake, that’s what the Bear Stearns collapse and subsequent bailout is. They banked on — no pun intended — and likely precipitated the subprime mortgage phenomenon and then for all practical purposes got a margin call by everybody. Hey lookie! You’ve got no assets and astounding debt!

So, the Fed is possibly on the hook for $30 billion in buyout for that company which means that you and I are on the hook. Because they were dumb. I follow the reasoning: they’re bailing out this company to prevent a cascade effect since Bear Stearns had so many connections with other companies. I can’t help but be irked that I’m funding utter stupidity, though.

Similarly, the Democratic Presidential candidates both want to provide “assistance to those in mortgage crises” to the tune of another $10 to $30 billion dollars. This is a bailout for people who did the math on that $750,000 house on their $30,000 salary and said “we can swing it!” I can’t swing a 3/4 million dollar house and I make more than that. So I didn’t buy a 3/4 million dollar house. Why am I bailing out people who simply overspent and screwed themselves? I understand the desire to help the less fortunate and those who are truly in financial despair, but not those who brought it on themselves buying things that they had no possibility of ever really affording.

I don’t have a ton of time — work pile up, etc — but this thought struck me and I had to go take a look. Since 1990 there have been somewhere around 40 documented instances of a sex scandal involving politicians. Perhaps unsurprisingly they are split almost smack dab in the middle between Republicans and Democrats. More interestingly (to me, at least), the Republicans — party of family values — sports no fewer than 7 scandals, or 35% of their total, involving homosexual activity.

• Larry Craig, looking for man-love in a bathroom stall.
• Richard Curtis, outed by a jilted “masseuse.”
• Glenn Murphy Jr., under investigation in a sexual assault of a sleeping man.
• Bob Allen, scared to death by the Big, Black Man in the public restroom so his cunning escape plan is to offer to pay him for the privilege of providing him oral satisfaction.
• Mark Foley, slinging naughty text messages to male congressional pages… but it was the alcohol talking.
• Ed Schrock, male seeking male ad.
• Jim West, accused of diddling boys in his office.

During the same time period, the rough and tumble, anything-goes liberal Democrats had a whopping 1 involving someone “playing for the other team.”

• Jim McGreevey, had a gay affair, came out of the closet, then resigned.

Strikes me funny.

Poor Georgia Congressman Jack Kingston. He’s so put upon. You may recall he was one of the bellyachers complaining at the inordinate amount of suffering that would be caused if Congress was forced to actually work for 5 days like the rest of us American slobs.

“Keeping us up here eats away at families,” said Rep. Jack Kingston (R-Ga.), who typically flies home on Thursdays and returns to Washington on Tuesdays. “Marriages suffer. The Democrats could care less about families — that’s what this says.”

Indeed.

But it’s a whole different story for those below the poverty line.

“If the Democrat Party truly wanted to take on poverty, they would have to say what is the relationship between marriage and the poverty level and between hours worked and the poverty level, because the truth of the matter is, if people end poverty, many of them would marry and work 40 hours a week, they would be out of poverty.”

Maybe on one of those 2 extra days of work he can vote himself another pay raise.

(Edit: yes, I misspelled “hypocrisy” the first time through. I cower in trepidation.)

Mid-term election time, what a joy. A time when the general populace can choose from two equally misguided factions of people trying to run the country into the ground. Bitterness, thy name is ColdForged!

But seriously, what’s a fellow to do? The Republicans have draped themselves with the habit of the pious, courting the religious right and building their platform on, of all things, a marriage protection amendment. It provides no end of entertainment reading the platforms of these candidates who, when asked what the top priorities they want to address in their term, name the protection of the sanctity of marriage. Fuck education and inordinate spending, that whole terror thing is sooooo early 21st century, and the continuing divergence between the right and left means naught… we have to take a stand against these insidious queers! They’ve also seemingly forgotten that “conservative” not only applies to gay bashing but was traditionally representative of a fiscal policy that called for lower spending. Whew, fiscally responsible they ain’t. The Democrats are no better, doing nothing much more than pointing at the White House and saying “everything that guy says is bullshit.”

With a tangent in religious hypocrisy

Republicans have to be shaking their heads at the happenings recently. Their numbers in the shitter due to the low approval rating of their Commander In Chief — I heard a precious commentary on NPR on how limited Bush’s campaigning has been with everyone scurrying to distance themselves from him — and various scandals involving either congressmen or prominent evangelicals are taking up headline space. What a treat!

Few things are as enjoyable than witnessing the sanctimonious fall from grace. First we have Congressman Mark Foley, courting male teenage pages online. From sponsoring child pornography bills to asking young boys whether their dicks are hard as a rock. That’s a curious mixture. Here’s an elected representative making happy noises about protecting children from the evils of sexual predation who jerks off while chatting with those under his influence. Think about this kid who wanted a cool job, some kind of stepping stone and who now has a powerful member of congress asking the size of his penis. What do you do?

Now, of course, we have the titillating “outing” of Ted Haggard, a man leading the battle against those horrible homosexuals and their reckless demands for marriage and a man who — allegedly — pays for gay sex and crystal meth. How deliciously hypocritical. He denied it, of course. I never understood that tactic. Did you ever call the guy? Is it possible you left some kind of evidence? If so, it will come out. Don’t deny it, you end up looking worse. In a wondrous bit of borrowing — Republicans can’t even make original scandals — Haggard’s “sure, I bought crystal meth but I never actually used it” surely smacks of Clinton’s ridiculous “inhale” comment. Come on, nobody bought it then, they’re not buying it now.

Well of course the Republicans will come out firing! Pointing the finger at everyone in recorded history because a scandal isn’t a scandal if someone else does it. Here’s a difference: as far as I recollect Clinton wasn’t trying to pass legislation banning blowjobs.

In which the Democrats look like imbeciles

So, here come the mid-term elections. The Democrats look like they literally can’t lose. Then Kerry walks out on stage and — regardless what you choose to believe was his true intent — says something very much like “our soldiers are illiterate bumpkins.” Yeah John! Way to alienate the entire constituency! I don’t think he’s quite that dumb. Here’s a veteran who knows that calling soldiers stupid would be political suicide, he’s not going to do it on purpose. But what a way to boof a line! He was never a great candidate, though likely better than Gore, but now he’s anathema. I theorize that Kerry isn’t actually Kerry any more… I think he was body-snatched by the Republican party and a stooge a-la Dave is now in place just waiting for this opportunity to absolutely torpedo the Democratic party hopes.

You’d swear both parties are searching for ways to lose. Can’t there be a good alternative?

If you get caught beating the shit out of alleged terror suspects in various places throughout the world and you get called on it and you’re the President of the United States, what do you do? Well, you pass a law to make it okay. While you’re at it, make it okay to hold alleged terror suspects indefinitely, without legal counsel. Then, go ahead and make it illegal for alleged terror suspects to challenge their situation in court. Then, be sure to allow prosecutors to use any testimony received while the alleged terror suspect is getting the shit beat out of them — because all information gleaned while being physically coerced is 100% true and never fabricated to make the pain stop… if the Inquisition taught us anything it taught us that physical abuse is merely a useful tool for extracting truth. Now, for the coup de grace, wrap it all up in a tight little package in memoriam to the victims of the September 11th attacks.

“The bill I sign today helps secure this country and it sends a clear message: This nation is patient and decent and fair and we will never back down from threats to our freedom.”

If you’re passing a law making it allowable to beat information out of people, don’t play the “decent and fair” card.

“You f*@king bleeding heart, liberal bastard! That’s more decency than these terrorists showed the victims of 9/11!”

It sure is. I’m glad that our standard is at least as good as terrorists that want us dead. Note that those were “terrorists” that did that. They aren’t alleged, they aren’t assumed. I’d cheerfully sling a slug through their brainpans myself if they were placed in front of me. Bleeding heart I am not.

Let’s take an extreme case and apply this new law, since extremes are so fun and used by both “sides” equally well. Let’s say there’s a village somewhere. Let’s say we think that one person in that village is a terrorist. It would be difficult to determine which of the people in the village is a terrorist. With this fine new law, now we don’t have to. We can just round them all up, stick them in Gitmo and make with the slappy-slappy until one of them — or, likely, more than one — fesses up. This is no different from what we’ve already done in, for instance, Afghanistan, but now it’s completely legal and good and righteous. No gray area, we’ve decreed that it’s our right as a sovereign nation to “protect” ourselves in this way. America, fuck yeah!

Please. If there is a God in heaven, let him provide some viable alternative in some fashion come election day.