What did this guy do? Go do a Google image search for “threatening leer”. Precisely one result. I don’t even want to know the connection.

Interesting. Dunno, looks a bit like Gandalf to me.

If you have not downloaded Google Earth yet you are missing out on possibly the coolest, most useful bit of geographic exploring software ever. They’ve combined the Google Maps functionality with satellite and topographic data from their Keyhole acquisition to make the most compelling piece of software of its kind.

Here’s an example of some driving directions locally for me… from a mall to my favorite coffee shop (click for much larger version)

Nice. Now then, see that little “play” button under the directions? Click it. It’ll zoom down to the starting position, tilting the view down as though from an over-the-shoulder view, and start “driving” along the route.

With a complete topographic map — some areas with more detail than others, obviously — you can get some amazing views. Here’s part of the Grand Canyon from just above the river.

I’m sure you can see the value here. I almost feel sorry for the similar NASA World Wind project as in terms of utility to the average Joe, this thing kicks all kinds of poo out of NASA’s attempt.

I, for one, again welcome our Google overlords.

Among the more ill-advised Google searches that has led people to my little corner of the woods, this one comes in near the top.

cocaine+where+buy+phoenix

I’m thinking that if Google leverages this right they could integrate the newly announced Google Maps project with these kinds of searches to help these poor souls who are just trying to score some quality blow in unfamiliar locales. For instance, we get 9 hits on crack houses in my zip-code and with the simply phenomenal driving directions people would have no excuse not to further their addictions.

Here are some other searches that seem ripe for leveraging.

• Osama Bin Laden can be found in either Kansas or Oklahoma. Someone should forward this relevant intelligence to the proper authorities so we can be done with the whole matter.
• Oddly, George Walker Bush can be found in precisely the same place. Conspiracy theorists, engage!
• I can happily report that brothels are making a comeback in my city. Sadly though communists are gaining ground as well in the nefarious form of churches. The horror.
• Happiness is available in spades here in Cary, though the primary result is from a doctor. You thought it was money that made happiness, it’s elective surgery.
• Equally disappointing is the fact that there’s only one place to go nearby for giant boobies… and unfortunately you seem to have to overlook a fairly stout goatee to get to the goods.
• The local women have it better as there’s no shortage of cocks in 27513. Note that the first result when trying to locate such an item comes in the form of “Women In the Home Industry Today.” Such strange commentary on life, no?

Hope everyone had a nice vacation. I just got back from visiting the folks in blue-roof central down in Pensacola. Seriously, anyone in need of some blue tarps would be well served visiting that place in the coming months. Flying into that place your first thought would be that everyone has pools until you realize that they’re rather oddly shaped pools and that pools rarely reside on top of ranch houses.

So, now that I’m back and have more than dial-up access to the intarweb I can get back to the important business of blogging the disturbing things that people search for. I was certainly not disappointed with the take this time! I’ll have to give the prize to the fellow (?) that wound up here by searching for “moisture under scrotum.” Wow. Trust me when I reveal that I have zero desire to know what his problem is. A close runner-up would have to be poor guy that got “caught masturbating mom,” though I guess you could take that one of two ways — or hell, even more disturbingly three ways which is simply even more ewww than I ever imagined — none of which is necessarily better than the others.

Anyway, more to come later. Sorry I didn’t warn you about the pending vacation, but I never underestimate the ability of someone to reverse engineer my home address and steal my HDTV and Xbox while I’m away. Not to mention it’s none of your damned business.