Wanted to save this off for posterity as Yahoo serves up the timely and relevant advertising. Hallelujah for content-sensitivity and utter context-insensitivity.

At some point you have to start looking at spam messages as opportunities for amusement. I’ve long since passed my threshold whereby spam messages traverse through annoyance to hilarity. This probably mostly has to do with Gmail since I only typically see spam messages of my own volition given that Google so effectively shuffles it off into a dark corner with nary an input from me. But I have to delete them from time to time and perusing the titles has become a fond pastime. Witness these gems.

• Amaze your chick with your new legendary manhood. : I get a new one? A new “legendary” one? From where does the new one spring, my forehead?
• Your new schlong will win more prizes! : I wasn’t aware that it had won any prizes previously but more is always welcome.
• Some more inches for your enjoyment! : For my enjoyment, eh?
• See your dick swelling day by day : I hear there are creams to treat that.
• Your dick size will never arouse a derision : Your sales tactics will never result a sale.
• Make her tremble with desire with your new huge p3nis. : Again with the new one.
• Huge schlong is the fact that all girl love : Incomprehensible verbiage is what all customer trust.
• Wide spectrum of boner enlargers! : Wider spectrum of penis euphemisms.
• Enormous instrument has much more advantages : I hear there’s a tax benefit if you’re over 9 inches.
• Make your p3nis a pocket rocket : And what would my p3nis do with a pocket rocket?

And we thought Hallmark writers got the best gigs.

“‘Similar analysis strategies are applied for the peptide mapping of glycoproteins’,” I read aloud to stymie my daughter. I should note that it may become apparent in the near future why I’m reading about glycoproteins, but humor me for a while. “What in the world are glycoproteins? I have no idea.”

“My neither,” she replied. “I think it’s like a dishwasher.”

This man may have the funniest laugh ever recorded. I challenge you to watch and not join in. We no longer need a Turing test, just play this video for the entity in question. If it doesn’t laugh, destroy it immediately as it’s a robot or alien invader.

Last night, while watching the Hurricanes smack around the Panthers — 6 Hurricanes goals in the third period! — on TV they showed a small feature about Cam Ward and his day with the Stanley Cup. At one point they, of course, show him after the game hoisting the Cup. Quite like the picture to the right, actually. Julia turned around and said “Papa, why does he have the Piston Cup?”

(The reference may be oblique for those either not hockey fans or not Cars fans. The Piston Cup is the Pixar take on the Winston Cup trophy as seen in their movie Cars. The Stanley Cup is the trophy awarded to the champion of the NHL.)