Recently I interviewed someone for a QA position. This is rarely if ever fun — what do you ask potential QA people? — and I was likely even more predisposed to a negative opinion right off the bat due to the resume. This was a person with 5 years of experience. The length of this person’s resume? 6 pages.
No, seriously, 6 damned pages. By the bottom of the first page I was already incredulous. The level of detail was simply staggering. I joked with my boss that I truly would not be surprised to find something like this near the end to pad it out.
- On work days — which are traditionally Mondays through Fridays, inclusive — I utilized an appliance specifically for waking me up at an appropriately early time, allowing sufficient time to groom and attire myself for work.
- At opportune times during work days — again, traditionally Mondays through Fridays, inclusive — I consumed various and diverse foodstuffs so as to provide my body the nourishment and energy required to perform my job responsibilities alertly and with great enthusiasm.
- At random times throughout the work day — see above for detailed explanations of what qualifies as “work days” — I stood up from the chair at my work surface and autonomously navigated to a predetermined place to void my bladder and bowels which tend to fill with waste matter during the natural process of digestion of the previously mentioned consumables which occasionally require release into approved receptacles to avoid sepsis and general discomfort.
For reference I have a one page resume spanning my — holy shit — 16 year career. Possibly underkill but I’d rather have a brief, interesting resume that leaves potential employers curious and wanting more detail — that’ll hopefully be provided during the interview — than a plodding, overwhelmingly thorough resume that leaves potential employers struggling to make it to the bottom of the first page.
