At some point you have to start looking at spam messages as opportunities for amusement. I’ve long since passed my threshold whereby spam messages traverse through annoyance to hilarity. This probably mostly has to do with Gmail since I only typically see spam messages of my own volition given that Google so effectively shuffles it off into a dark corner with nary an input from me. But I have to delete them from time to time and perusing the titles has become a fond pastime. Witness these gems.

• Amaze your chick with your new legendary manhood. : I get a new one? A new “legendary” one? From where does the new one spring, my forehead?
• Your new schlong will win more prizes! : I wasn’t aware that it had won any prizes previously but more is always welcome.
• Some more inches for your enjoyment! : For my enjoyment, eh?
• See your dick swelling day by day : I hear there are creams to treat that.
• Your dick size will never arouse a derision : Your sales tactics will never result a sale.
• Make her tremble with desire with your new huge p3nis. : Again with the new one.
• Huge schlong is the fact that all girl love : Incomprehensible verbiage is what all customer trust.
• Wide spectrum of boner enlargers! : Wider spectrum of penis euphemisms.
• Enormous instrument has much more advantages : I hear there’s a tax benefit if you’re over 9 inches.
• Make your p3nis a pocket rocket : And what would my p3nis do with a pocket rocket?

And we thought Hallmark writers got the best gigs.