If you get caught beating the shit out of alleged terror suspects in various places throughout the world and you get called on it and you’re the President of the United States, what do you do? Well, you pass a law to make it okay. While you’re at it, make it okay to hold alleged terror suspects indefinitely, without legal counsel. Then, go ahead and make it illegal for alleged terror suspects to challenge their situation in court. Then, be sure to allow prosecutors to use any testimony received while the alleged terror suspect is getting the shit beat out of them — because all information gleaned while being physically coerced is 100% true and never fabricated to make the pain stop… if the Inquisition taught us anything it taught us that physical abuse is merely a useful tool for extracting truth. Now, for the coup de grace, wrap it all up in a tight little package in memoriam to the victims of the September 11th attacks.

“The bill I sign today helps secure this country and it sends a clear message: This nation is patient and decent and fair and we will never back down from threats to our freedom.”

If you’re passing a law making it allowable to beat information out of people, don’t play the “decent and fair” card.

“You f*@king bleeding heart, liberal bastard! That’s more decency than these terrorists showed the victims of 9/11!”

It sure is. I’m glad that our standard is at least as good as terrorists that want us dead. Note that those were “terrorists” that did that. They aren’t alleged, they aren’t assumed. I’d cheerfully sling a slug through their brainpans myself if they were placed in front of me. Bleeding heart I am not.

Let’s take an extreme case and apply this new law, since extremes are so fun and used by both “sides” equally well. Let’s say there’s a village somewhere. Let’s say we think that one person in that village is a terrorist. It would be difficult to determine which of the people in the village is a terrorist. With this fine new law, now we don’t have to. We can just round them all up, stick them in Gitmo and make with the slappy-slappy until one of them — or, likely, more than one — fesses up. This is no different from what we’ve already done in, for instance, Afghanistan, but now it’s completely legal and good and righteous. No gray area, we’ve decreed that it’s our right as a sovereign nation to “protect” ourselves in this way. America, fuck yeah!

Please. If there is a God in heaven, let him provide some viable alternative in some fashion come election day.

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