I’ve struggled to define my faith. I’d say I don’t have much of one, but apparently I’m 100% Universal Unitarian. Of course, the primary tenet of that “faith” seems to be an abiding ability to successfully breathe oxygen. But I believe I’ve discovered the road to true enlightenment and, possibly, even transcendence.
I give to you Peeism.
Peeism is founded on the belief that we, as thinking, feeling humans full of compassion, are bigger than our pee. We’re not a slave to our urine nor to our weak, imperfect pee containment vessels, our bladders. Realizing this, the Peeist takes control over her life in ways that the layman does not.
Peeism : Taking Control
A Peeist does not blindly rush to the nearest bladder evacuation portal at the merest hint of need or discomfort. Does the pee have somewhere to be? Is the pee’s need more important than yours? No. Pee can wait. We — the thinking, sentient being — are in control. Pee — the waste product — is not.
Hold the pee. Relish in the clarity of thought that a truly full bladder provides. Veterans of war often say that their senses tingle on the battlefield, that they’ve never felt as truly alive as in those moments of equal terror and exhilaration. Existing with a full bladder exposes the Peeist to sensations that may be uncomfortable. The body, a flawed specimen, may be unaccustomed to this state. Push through.
The moment of enlightenment and splendor occurs only when the Peeist himself, aware of his consciousness, decides that the time is right to void his bladder. Imagine the euphoria! That first torrent of relief when peeing — when you decide — strikes as an almost physical blow of revelation and freedom. Acolyte Peeists have been known to swoon and weep during their initial forays.
I call to you, thinking reader. Embrace Peeism and choose your own destiny.
God do I have to whiz.
I feel very enlightened after I myself have accepted Pee-ism into my life!
Bored, huh? I see what happens when you’re all alone at home for two weeks.