You remember that lady that won, like, a billion dollars suing McDonald’s because she spilled hot coffee on herself? It appears that idiocy is the path to riches in America these days. Witness the latest attempt.

An owner of Apple Computer Inc.’s iPod music player filed a federal lawsuit against the computer maker, claiming the device causes hearing loss in people who use it.

The portable music players are “inherently defective in design and are not sufficiently adorned with adequate warnings regarding the likelihood of hearing loss,” according to the complaint, which seeks class action status. The suit, filed Tuesday in U.S. District Court in San Jose seeks compensation for plaintiffs’ hearing loss and upgrades that will make the iPods safer.

Sometimes I wish I were a judge just so I could hear cases like this on occasion in between the real cases. That way I could just laugh and laugh before slamming the gavel down and fining the plaintiff for abusing the court system and forcing him to pay all legal fees involved in fighting the complaint.

Please bear with me, I’m trying to upgrade to WordPress 2.0 like all the cool kids, but I don’t have a lot of time to make it pretty. Or even to make it work correctly. So sorry.

Interesting. Dunno, looks a bit like Gandalf to me.

I’ve reached the point of no return. After damn near losing a finger trying to extricate my Logitech Harmony 360 remote from its hermetically sealed packaging, I’ve entered a realm within which I have rarely tread. I was left seething and frustrated as I searched for some mortal tool with which I could actually crack the carapace of the damnable thing, finally settling on a utility knife. Even that implement, with it’s razor edge and sturdy construction, could hardly dent the alien material.

Really, this stuff should be harnessed in police body armor, space shuttle reentry tiles, and earthquake-proof building construction. But it should certainly on no account be used in its current employment which is ostensibly to safeguard consumer goods from shoplifters or other light-fingered would-be thieves. But see, eventually some poor sap will actually purchase the product and expect to extract it from this protective cocoon. I firmly believe there’s a rather small segment of the possible market for these items that are actually capable of freeing the product from the packaging safely. Elderly people? Hang it up. My wife would almost certainly wind up with a gaping flesh wound. And for what? So retail giants like Walmart can reduce “breakage” and “shrink” by a tenth of a percent? My dimpled ass.

So I’m making a call to make a stand. Don’t purchase items in blister wrap. Or, even better, buy something, open it then return it. Be sure to mangle the horrid packaging as much as possible. Then stick whatever it is — the higher the value the better — back in the remains, wrap liberally in tape and take it back. Whatever it was didn’t suit its purpose, wasn’t the right size, or ironically was broken in the attempt to get it out of the package. Who knows if it will do anything at all, but at least we’ll have all our digits.

Apparently, a lot of Muslims are angry about some comics depicting their prophet. This is obviously impetus enough to storm and torch embassies, hurl firebombs at peacekeeping forces, and basically act a fool.

I understand being offended. I’m sure there are things I’d find offensive if depicted in a comic. I understand being angry. But, so sorry, nothing gives anyone license to go on a rioting spree. Certainly not a drawing. You couldn’t draw something offensive enough to warrant me taking to the streets looking for someone to hit.

This is more proof in my mind of a theory of civilization I have. I think we’re one step up from total chaos at any particular time. The only thing that separates individual communities or civilizations is how far it takes to bridge that step. For these Muslims on the rampage, it was a comic. For a bunch of dumb assholes in California, it was an unpopular verdict for a trial. For a bunch of dumb assholes in Louisiana, it was a hurricane. For a bunch of dumb assholes in Vancouver, it was a cancelled Guns N’ Roses concert. Oh for several of those you could argue that it was a symptom of a larger problem, a boiling over of decades or centuries or millennia of tensions… whatever.

Horseshit. Oh, I don’t deny those tensions exist — well, except for the GNR concert riots… those were just idiotic white boys gone apeshit — but I reiterate that nothing gives anyone license to go berserk and kill, maim, or destroy. At that point you’re merely wallowing in excess, secure in the knowledge that, as one of many, you’re unlikely to be singled out for retribution.

So, these particular Muslims would have to forgive me if I look at them as ignorant savages. Not all Muslims, just the ones out doing what they shouldn’t be in any civilized society. Just like I don’t point the finger at everyone in Los Angeles for the King riots or at everyone in New Orleans for the post-Katrina lawlessness, or at everyone in Vancouver. Just the morons.

Everyone has their limit. Some people should reconsider theirs.