… one tired ColdForged.

My folks are moving into a house near us to be closer to us and the girl, so Tuesday I flew down to help them drive back up here. My Dad can’t drive for long periods of time after his accident, so they needed some help getting the big truck up here. Ironic, that, considering Dad finished his working years as a truck driver. Things went reasonably smoothly except for the weather. I’m not used to driving 25′ long trucks in the best of circumstances, so spending the entirety of yesterday trying to keep that thing between the lines in continuous rain and wind gusts was enough for me to greatly desire a big, heaping glass of Crown Royal once I got home. I didn’t have it, but it was nice to know it was there.

As always, I mention this only after the fact… I don’t advertise to the world “hey guys, I’m going to be away from my house for 3 days, go nuts!” So that’s where I was during the post-release insanity of my latest plugin and some sort of pissing match on the WordPress support forums over someone saying bad things about Matt. I honestly have no clue what’s going on there, nor do I much care. If there’s one thing blogging has taught me is that there is no end of people who delight in shitting on others, and the Internet and the inherently open nature of support forums and comment pages simply provide a fluid medium for these types of people to flourish.

I hadn’t been home from the trip for 10 minutes when the UPS truck backed in and Mr. Brown walked up with my monitor. That’s what we call a nice coming home present. Later that evening I got time to hook it up and enjoy the wonder. Folks, we have a winner. In terms of brightness, clarity, and color I’m simply speechless. I thought I had it good at work with my Dell 2000FP… ha! The 2005FPW beats it by a wide margin. I don’t know what it will do for my productivity, but I know precisely what it will do for my enjoyment.

Since we’re sharing spaghetti pictures I couldn’t help but post this one. Yes, that look does suggest something like “I’m this close to flinging this across the room.” She didn’t.

P.S. This picture is from last August, so they’re hardly current. However, what fun is it if she can eat spaghetti well?

Here’s your soundbite: “GuitarPort is the perfect melding of the analog world of guitars and the digital world of computers.”

Up to this point, I love everything about it. The hardware is simple and effective. You plug one end into an available USB port on your computer — or on your monitor if you happen to have a monitor with a built-in USB hub like some people do, mwuahaha — and you plug your guitar into the other end. There’s a big volume dial on the thing that seems, frankly, like something to give it a bit of design flair more than any necessity. That’s it.

The GuitarPort software is a genuine joy to work with, a knob-twiddler’s dream come true. Without even considering how the combination sounds you can tell a lot of work went into the interface and how a guitarist wants to interact with the program. Each of the amplifier models has its own face, with a custom appearance and some special touches that give some of them extra flair. For instance, one of the heavier “shred heads” has skulls for knobs and the eyes glow brighter red as you turn them up. There’s a tube preamp model with visible tubes that glow with increased gain. Little things like that. Turning knobs is as simple as clicking on them on dragging up or down. Hell, even the tuner, a seemingly simple staple utility, is given a very usable and attractive interface, with a digital note indicator and an analog sweep needle for dialing into precise tune.

I didn’t know what to expect in terms of sound, but overall I’m very happy with the sound. It really does a credible job of modeling a diverse array of amp heads. I won’t say it has a sound to match every tone ever created — for instance my particular “holy grail” tone, John Petrucci’s super-saturated, Mesa tone found at one point in Dream Theater’s “A Change Of Seasons 1: The Crimson Sunrise” track — but there really is something there for everyone. Some of the higher gain models are a bit noisy and require hefty gating, but I think that’s true in real life as well (I don’t have a ton of experience with real heads). For a pure simulated environment it’s capable of some surprisingly warm tones. For practicing with my new “Modern Method for Guitar” book I load up a jazz tone that really captures the warm, rich, tube-like sound that tends to pull out good, clean playing.

Personally I think the GuitarPort Online feature is a lot of fun. There are lessons, professionally-recorded tracks that contain different types of mixes (full-mix, no lead guitar, no guitars at all, etc.) to play along with, and heaps of tones. I’ve been having a blast playing along with the well-recorded backing track rendition of AC/DC’s “Back In Black” and Joe Satriani’s “Always With Me, Always With You.” Talk about bringing back some old memories. One of the cooler things is that the software will act as your personal footswitch assistant and (optionally) automatically select the correct tone for the part of the song you’re on as well as switch pages for the sheet music if it’s available. Having a rotate-able, widescreen display is truly wonderful for these especially long windows .

If there’s one thing the GuitarPort has done for me it’s reintroduced the joy of playing. And that’s precisely what I bought it for. Now if only those chimps from the unnamed retailer would actually get me my software — yes, I’m still waiting for it — I can actually try out the RiffTracker software and see if it is as useful and polished as GuitarPort is.

Yeah, so it’s Tuesday and not Monday and I missed last week to boot. That’s fine though, Netflix is still there waiting for me like an old friend with particularly poor taste in film.

• Reform School Girl - If it isn’t soft-core porn it should be.
• Through The Back Door - If it isn’t hard-core porn it should be.
• CZW: Combat Zone Wrestling: Ultraviolent Tournament of Death - Wasn’t that in A Bug’s Life? Oh, that was “Flaming Death.” I always get those confused.
• The Lone Gunmen: The Complete Series - If you can fit the complete series on a 3 disc set, you’re not doing too well.
• Get Thee Behind Me - “… and make with the humping!”
• Ripe - If this isn’t soft-co… oh wait, it is!
• The Texican - Color me unsurprised that this flick has an ex-sheriff named “Jess.”
• The Greatest American Hero: Season 2 - The Blond Afro flies again!
• You Can Dance: Nightclub - When you use the phrase “trip the light fantastic” in your movie summary you’re stretching. Besides, all you need is the “White Man’s Overbite” and you can tackle any dance floor.
• Gerry and the Pacemakers: Live at the Pavilion Theatre Glasgow 1990 - The Pacemakers? Talk about not shooting high with your expectations. I think there’s ample market for “Pete and the Narcoleptic Nodders.”
• Wildest Craziest Parties & Events - Not only wildest but also craziest! According to the summary there’s “some crazy-ass footage” that’s “waaaaay off the hook,” dawg!
• Big Boy Rides Again - If this isn’t gay porn…